Dial 666 For Emergency
A friend of mine stayed at a hotel in Swindon, England, and was greeted by this sight when he went to call the front desk. Unlike the rest of the UK, where 999 is the code for emergency services (like 911 in the USA), apparently in this hotel 666 was the key to safety. I don't know about you, but I'm not willing to sell my soul to get the paramedics at my door in a place like Swindon. If their bus service is any indication, I'd prolly call and they'd take hours to get there, getting caught in the Magic Roundabout (see below) on the way. Nosiree, bob, there are just some times when Satan will not answer the phone. That's why he invented voice mail, and I'm certain 666 has it!

Honey Monster
For some reason the British kids have no fear of Honey Monster. He's been slowly infiltrating their brains since childhood, and along with the evils of Marmite, have bent their wills into submission to the great hairy golden beast. Americans, on the other hand, are accustomed to the wiley green frog who is not nearly as "hip", "rad", or "in my face" as the cool dude H.M. Even better is the free plastic "X-Treme Dude" found inside this particular package (I got the grunting snowboarder!). Apparently in France, Honey Monster is also prevalent, but "Sugar Puffs" instead translates into "Crusty Honey". Despite being the most unappatizing name for a breakfast cereal ever, I already feel crusty enough when I look at those deal, soulless eyes on the box. I don't need any reinforcement.

Mango Gel Cups
This was the foil cover on a strange foodstuffs we found at a discount store in Brighton, England. The bag was composed of small, one inch diameter plastic cups filled with flavorless colored jello one was supposed to squeeze into the mouth for a delicious treat. Only there was a small, hard cube of white jello in the center that contained the sole flavor for the little pouch. And if you weren't convinced that these were the most evil-tasting treats on the planet already, the foil cover attempted to fool you into thinking otherwise with the immortal words "This Product is Unbelievably Delicious." Hey, with marketing power like that, I could sell anything! I can see it now, on the cover of every cd at the mall: "This Product is Unbelievably Not Shit". Or on McDonalds' burgers: "This Product is Unbelievably Edible".

UK Street Signs
One of the best things about the British is their penchant for naming towns and streets incredibly suggestive names. Besides the obvious town of Stoke-on-Trent, I paid a visit to the little town of Cockermouth (yes. it does contain both "cock" and "mouth" in the same word. and yes, I realized this.) in the Lake District county of Cumbria (which is kinda funny on it's own anyway). Personally, I think the townspeople are missing out on a huge market for postcards and tee-shirts like the folks in Intercourse, Pennsylvania have exploited. I'd certainly buy a teeshirt emblazoned with "Cockermouth" and an upward arrow!
As if the town name wasn't enough, we stumbled across the little dead-end street of (wait for it) Butts Fold while getting lost in the town. Seriously, this is too much. Can you imagine living at 69 Buttsfold, Cockermouth, Cumbria??? It just blows my mind that people think nothing of these names! And they say the British are reserved, ha! Finally, this last street sign was found by my friend Scott somewhere in Exeter, England, and proved a great photo opportunity for the men in the group. I really am quite curious to see how these streets got named in the first place. I mean, did some Victorian come along and say "hmm, yes, dear chap, name it Manhood, after my greatest attribute!". Who are these people?

Bunny Billboard
I can forgive the Hungarians for welcoming capitalism into their country. I can even forgive them for all the air pollution. But I simply cannot forgive this billboard we found in Budapest. I'm not even sure what it's advertising, and generally I'm just confused, but Scott (pictured), seem to recognize the ritual at hand from his days working at a children's day care. In an attempt to bring myself to terms with this, I ask myself 3 (rhetorical) questions: 1) Why bunny suits? 2) Why is he wearing a bra? 3) Why is her hair wet? And I"m pretty sure I don't want to know the answers to any of these. If this is a sign that the Cold War's over, please God, bring it back!

No Weiner Dogs Allowed!
People in Zurich, Switzerland sure hate dogs. The most hated dog of all (the Salman Rushdie of dogs, if you will) is the formidable weiner dog. Gary Larson may have made them appear peaceful and even cute, but this sign on a Zurich shop window reveals weiner dogs as the vicious hellhounds they are! I mean, look at its cold, dead eyes... No weiner dogs are welcome here! (But feel free to bring in pitbulls and smoke whatever the hell you want while shopping in our store. Thank you, come again.)

Florence Poster Child
I've found either people laugh like hell at this poster we found in Florence, Italy, or they don't get it at all. If you don't laugh, I'm afraid you haven't a sick enough mind. Skip to the next one.

Crazed DIY Wife
Germans aren't all bratwurst and bad arthouse films, no, no! Sometimes they give their wives power tools and fuel crazed rampages through the streets of the hinterland. This advertisement for the Bauhaus chain of hardware stores (not just a goth band anymore!) in Heidelburg, Germany shows a housewife with a glint in her eye and a power tool in her hand with the words "With power tools, you can stand by your man". If that's what they were ever used for, sure.

The Magic Roundabout
I'm told there was a thinly-veiled acid trip known as the children's show "The Magic Roundabout" in England during the 70s and 80s where "magical" creatures lived in the scrub grass of a glorified traffic circle (the American equivalent would involve dancing traffic cones and a friendly DOT worker named Al with a penchat for whiskey and "the little uns"). In any case, there exists in Swindon, England, the traffic circle (known in Europe as a "roundabout") to end all traffic circles: The Magic Roundabout. Besides Swindon having more roundabouts than any other town in England (regardless of their usefullness or safety at the junction), they contain this muthah, which is five separate roundabouts all surrounding a giant central roundabout. Never the ones to let a bad idea get in the way of public safety, Swindon leads the world in the manufacture of these useless traffic patterns. Won't somebody help those cars? They're clearly confused!

Millenium Bugs
I owe my friend Mark with complete credit for discovering these hideous creations at the Pound Store in Brighton, England. Besides the incredibly dumb idea of having a "Millenium Bug" as (gee!) a bug, the manufacturers decided to shove a computer in there in case you were stupid enough to not know where the phrase came from. Don't ask me why the world is there, but the last time I checked, Australia was not a perfect oval. Along with his pig nose, buck teeth, and protruding antennae, this loveable ceramic "Mitlennium Bug" (as misspelled on its base) is sure to frighten small children for decades to come, long after the millenium hype has come and gone!

Stoned Chip Man
This frightening chip (translate: french fry) man adorned the front window of a chip shop in Bruges, Belgium. I'm not sure whether Bruges has a disproportionately large stoner population or whether they all just work at this shop, but I'm still not convinced the little chip man needed to be stoned in order to entice customers into the store. If that were the case, every seedy chip shop in Amsterdam would have one of these little fellers frightening the masses with its shiny, bright colors! With the half-mast eyes, chip-joint, and happy-go-lucky thumbs-up, this shop makes a strong statement: "Medicinal use only, maaaaaaaayn!"